


I'm Here For You

by tiniestmite



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Flashbacks, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:34:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25194730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiniestmite/pseuds/tiniestmite
Summary: Buck suffers from nightmares after his accident. Eddie helps him work through it.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 101





	I'm Here For You

**Author's Note:**

> Written for day 6 of 911 week: "I'm not going" + angst

The first few times Buck woke up in a cold sweat from a nightmare, he was alone. He would jolt upright, hyperventilating, unable to stop his entire body from shaking. He would force himself to take in his surroundings. He was in his bedroom. Not sprawled out in the street, trapped under a firetruck. 

That was months ago. Since then, the nightmares still come to him every few nights. But, he has since learned how to hide his anxiety coming out of the nightmare. The other difference is that he’s no longer alone when he wakes up in the middle of the night.

Having nightmares when sharing a bed with Eddie was much different. Knowing that the man he laid next to cared about him was all the reassurance he needed when he felt like he was losing control. Or at least that’s what he told himself.

But the truth was, sometimes even that wasn’t enough to keep the anxiety from rising in his chest after a particular vivid version of the dream. Tonight was one of those nights. 

Buck can’t seem to stop his body from trembling no matter how hard he tries. Taking deep breaths, he tries to hold back the tears that inevitably fall. When he feels Eddie start to stir next to him he realizes that it’s not fair to wake him up, because of a stupid nightmare. 

Gently climbing out of bed, he makes a dash for the adjoining bathroom before silently closing the door and flipping on the light switch. He takes a few more shaky breaths as he holds onto the rim of the sink, trying to ground himself in his surroundings. He tells himself that the nightmare wasn’t real. It didn’t actually happen. Except that it was real and it did actually happen to him.

He can’t stop the memories from flooding back into his head. The crushing weight of the firetruck against his bones. The rough concrete stinging against his face. He can still hear the sizzling of the fire over the ringing in his ears. Everything that happened that night will be forever scorched in his brain.

He tries to take a few more deep breaths before turning off the light, stepping out of the bathroom, and climbing back into bed.

* * *

“How did you sleep?” Eddie asks as he pours two cups of coffee, keeping one for himself and handing the other mug to Buck. He knows that Eddie’s just trying to make conversation but he can’t help but feel put on the spot. 

“Fine,” he says, answering Eddie’s question. His emotions are still so raw from his breakdown just a few hours ago. He’s thankful that Christopher is still asleep so that he has time to collect himself before he’ll force himself to plaster on the biggest smile for the kid. 

“So… I heard you get up in the middle of the night.”

That is enough to make Buck pause before taking a sip of coffee and answering. “Yeah, I uh.. I had to go to the bathroom”

Eddie looks up at him, with evidence of concern in his eyes. Buck chooses to look away, opting to stare at his coffee mug in silence for a few moments. He’s not sure how long it’s been until Eddie breaks the silence,“How long have you been getting nightmares, Buck?”

Buck bites down on his lip. Of course Eddie noticed. Was he really naïve enough to think Eddie wouldn’t have? He takes a second before carefully replying, “They aren’t that bad.” Which is a lie. They are that bad. Eddie doesn’t need to know that though. 

“You didn’t answer my question. I know that wasn’t the first one. They started happening after your accident right? So does that mean you’ve been getting them since?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Shit, Buck, why haven’t you told anyone? You don’t need to deal with this alone.”

Buck shrugs him off, “Like I said, they aren’t that bad.”

“Maybe so, but you should talk to someone about it.”

“What? You mean like Frank?”

“No, you don’t have to talk to my therapist specifically, but I’m sure I could get you some references from him if that’s what you want.” 

Buck knows that Eddie is just trying to be helpful. To show that he cares. But Buck doesn’t need help, He’s been dealing with it on his own for months and he can continue to do so. “Well  **I’m not going** to see a therapist so can we just drop the whole thing. Please?”

“Why are you so against talking about this, Buck? What you lived through was terrifying. Anyone would struggle with it after. Why do you insist on bottling it all up?” 

At this point, Eddie is practically yelling at him. He’s frustrated. Buck’s frustrated with himself too. He feels himself start to break down. “Because it’s been months, Eddie. I’ve been pretending like I’ve been fine for this long. How would it look if I asked for help now?”

And with that, Eddie’s face falls from anger to a more sympathetic look which only makes Buck feel worse. “Evan... baby, it’s okay to ask for help. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been. It could be years from now and you could still be struggling and that’s totally fine. No one will even bat an eye if you ask for help now because they understand healing takes time.”

Buck tries hard not to cry with relief. He didn’t realize just how much he needed to hear Eddie say those words. He was too afraid to reply out of fear that he might not be able to hold back the tears much longer, he waits before Eddie continues.

“Look, you don’t have to talk to a therapist if that’s not what you want to do. You do have to open up to someone though, and it doesn’t even have to be me. Maddie, Bobby, anyone at the 118… we’ll always be here for you. I’m here for you. Just promise me you won’t keep this kind of stuff to yourself anymore?”

Buck gives a small nod, and a little smile. “Yeah, okay.”

Eddie walks over and wraps the other man in his embrace. When they break, Eddie gives him a small pat on the back. “Now I was thinking about pancakes for breakfast? We could probably get a batch done before Christopher wakes up.”

“Yeah that sounds delicious,” Buck replies, already reaching for the box of batter and a mixing bowl.


End file.
